[PHOTOS] Basketball Wives LA Recap: Jackie Christie Ruins Draya’s Party

By Carla St. Louis

This episode is brought to you by questionable mentors from Compton, a woman with awful taste in fashion whose debuting a collection at New York Fashion Week, the general consent that young men explicitly cheat, a three-way conversation from Hell, and cray-cray Jackie Christie. Shall we?

The first scene, finds Jackie & Gloria having lunch. Jackie informs Gloria that Draya is scheduled to walk in her collection but conveniently lies and says Malaysia asked her–as opposed to ‘I begged her to the ends of the Earth.’ Already I’m amazed that this woman is lying five minutes into this recap but I blame myself because by now I should be accustomed to it. Then, Jackie goes on to tell Gloria a litany of more lies like: “You’re the mouthpiece [of the group]” despite acknowledging she’s never around, and my personal favorite: The majority of their friends cast mates wants her to confront Laura about her comments towards her (conveniently forgetting the fact that she manipulated everyone into that response by constantly asking everyone’s opinions of their friendship). Gloria’s head–like mines–is spinning after this monologue. “I think I blinked,” said Gloria in response to Jackie’s lies and explained, “It’s so contradicting.” Jackie ends her conversation with I don’t know “where Laura is getting this from,” which is just pathetic considering she knows exactly why Laura would have reason to harbor a grudge against her. Winner: Gloria for not allowing Jackie to sway her stance on her sister’s revenge against Jackie.

Malaysia: ‘Don’t you love my glasses? It means I’m intelligent…’

The next clip finds two of the most questionable mentors in Los Angeles, Malaysia and Bambi mentoring two young girls, Maya & Michelle. Mentoring on what exactly? On how to pull a philandering athlete as a husband? This scene is filled with hilarity. First, Malaysia debuts another pair of semi-ironic, hipster-friendly geek glasses to allude fake intelligence that–again–looks ridiculous. It just makes her appear obscenely pretentious since I’m sure they aren’t prescription. Second, Malaysia inappropriately implies that Michelle is about to get her Lick Her license by cooing a suggestive, “Oooh” in response to Maya’s comment that Michelle is her “roommate.” Way to be subtle, Malaysia. You should have just screamed, “Lesbians!” to top off  your awkwardness. The irony in their mentoring of possibly out-of-control youths is the fact that the girls have their acts together–perhaps, more so than them. Not only are they high school graduates but they’re college students as well. Hmm, sounds like these girls should be mentoring the twosome from Compton on career and educational goals. Malaysia and Bambi provide generic commentary on how they need to continue accomplishing their goals and how in the future they can call them for career help which again is funny coming from them. The end result of this mentoring session inspires Malaysia’s altruistic side and she confides to Bambi that she wants to build a house–via a YouTube tutorial. Forget Snooki and J-Woww, they’re the Lucy and Ethel of our generation (paging VH-1: that would be an excellent spin-off show). Winner: Maya & Michelle for having real mentors who guided their life choices to where they are today.

Girls: ‘We actually have goals and have accomplished them. Can we help you with YOUR life choices?’

Women: ‘Oh, well, we’ve accomplished a lot. Like, we’re on TV. That’s major…’

Why are the mentors dressed like they’re going to the mall?

The next scene finds Brooke, Draya, & Gloria getting piercings. It’s relevant for one reason only: the appearance of Gloria’s husband–the show’s second husband in a cast of seven women–Matt Barnes. Please, insert Eva Longoria joke here. Winner: Bryan for exerting pain on the ladies.
The clip after includes Brooke & Gloria at a clothing boutique dishing on the perils of being in a relationship with men under the age of 30. Their general consensus being the universal problem of dating a man under the age of 30, that is, you’re battling his immaturity/wandering peen. Brooke admits Vernon is currently “blazing his trail” while accepting that it’s a necessary rite of passage. In turn, Gloria admits to “blazing her trail“–which, as the blogsphere confirms included bedding Laura’s fiance, Gilbert Arneas and the majority of Black Wall Street. Gasp, right?! Read more on that story here. And references Matt “trickin’ it off” without mentioning Eva Longoria. Winner: Eva Longoria for finding relevancy–even if it’s on a VH-1 reality TV show.
Cue Bambi & Laura having lunch, while Laura admits for the umpteenth time that Bambi doesn’t know the back-story of her beef with Jackie so she shouldn’t have any feelings about it. Bambi–as lovable as she is–truly is the girl from high school who empathizes too much with other people’s issues because of similar occurrences that happened to her. Laura confesses that she does care about her feelings–just not as it pertains to Jackie. Winner: Laura for not allowing one monkey to stop her show.
The next footage has Gloria &  Malaysia contemplating abandoning their marriages for their so-called careers.  Here’s how I know these women–prior to this show–had no real occupations: they are actually questioning if their careers will negatively effect their relationships now. Malaysia says she’s going to “live out loud,” and pursue her ambitions while Laura plans on sacrificing her marriage for her acting career (I use that term loosely) by moving from her family. Oy voy. I no longer want to hear anymore about Gloria and Matt considering I already saw the outcome of this on The Game between Derwin and Melanie. Malaysia interviews that considering Matt and Gloria’s infidelities (again, the Game/Black Wall Street and Eva Longoria, respectively), Laura should stay in Los Angeles to be near her family. Winner: Divorce attorneys because with their philandering husbands (Malaysia I’m only assuming because that the general consensus seems to be all basketball players cheat) coupled with their absent roles in their families, I’m sure their marriages will implode. Oh yeah, fame-whoring as well because these women are only interested in their “careers” because they’re chasing Hollywood fantasies.

This is what regular people wear to an all-white party–white clothing.

This is what Jackie wears to an all-white party. Notice the difference?

Cut to Draya’s launch party for her swimwear line, Mint that happens to be a “sexy” all-white party. Or at least, Draya thought it would be until Jackie Christie got involved.  Because, if you didn’t comprehend by now, Jackie Christie makes her own rules–in her marriage, parenting, friendships interaction with co-workers, and apparently interpreting messages in all caps. That is why, Jackie arrived wearing a black and gold lame jumpsuit–to an all-white party–boasting, “I’m going to kill the scene; everyone’s going to be jealous.” Sigh, she’s absolutely delusional and again a terrible liar. Why? Continue reading. Jackie interviews as soon as she arrived and noticed everyone in all-white she realized,  “Wait a minute there’s an issue here.” Er, you think, Sherlock? Everyone is amazed  at Jackie’s inability to follow simple directions faux pas and asks the obvious questions: ‘Didn’t you get the memo that read all-white in all caps?’ ‘Why aren’t you in all-white?’ Jackie flat out lies and says Draya never informed her. Although Jackie admits Draya is “going to go off” and “going to ask her to go home,” she doesn’t go home to change. Translation: ‘I, Jackie Christie, pulled this stunt move because I wanted to absorb all the attention from Draya at her own launch party.’ Clearly, Gloria shares the same understanding and interviews, “Jackie has to find a way to make everything about her.” Jackie’s such a walking contradiction that even naive Bambi notices her inconsistency and interviews, “It’s kinda weird that she’s just sticking around knowing that Draya will be mad.” Once Draya arrives and bares witness to Jackie’s blunder, Malaysia lies for her and says Jackie didn’t get the memo and “it’s okay.” Which brings me to my other issue with Malaysia (aside from her dumb ass collection of hipster specs): In her quest to appear as the peacemaker, she constantly butts-in and speaks for others–when she doesn’t have to. I’m starting to think she indirectly influences Bambi to do the same in her devotion to Jackie. Draya rightly refers to Jackie as “Darth Vader,” and tells her she must stay in their area since she’s dressed inappropriately. Winner: Laura because everyone finally gets a peak into the insanity known as Jackie Christie.

Draya: ‘Darth Vader is a liar. I told her to wear white. Does she have Alzheimer’s?’

Malaysia and Jackie go to the bathroom, and the Jackie show continues. She lies again and tells Malaysia it hurts that the women purposely didn’t tell her saying,  “I’m emotionally upset.” She actually swears on her deceased mother that she didn’t get the memo. That adds another point to Jackie’s sociopath checklist in the sections where it says ‘lack remorse for sacrilegious lies.’ Malaysia takes the bait and replies, “I’ma set these hoes straight for you.” In turn, she foolishly storms back into the party, and confronts Draya demanding to know if she played Jackie so she can ostracize her. It’s at this moment I realize indefinitely that she’s a moron and easily manipulable. Draya shuts her down with this lucid gem: “She knew God damn well it was all-white. If you think for one second that I didn’t tell her with the way she dresses what the dress code was…” Absolutely priceless. And alludes to what Gloria and I suspected from the beginning, that is, Jackie is a attention-starved ego maniac. “She is crying at my party. Bitch it’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to, and if I ain’t crying, you not gon’ cry here,” Draya said. She actually confronts her on her bad behavior and attributes it to Alzheimer’s. LMAO. She asks Jackie, “Can I celebrate without you? I’m celebrating and you’re mourning.” Again, LMAO. Her one-liners have been zingers this entire season. I wonder, does she have her own writers at VH-1? Winner: Draya for shutting down Jackie’s theatrics and slaying it with her one-liners.

Laura: ‘Read my lips, I HATE YOU.’

After being embarrassed and realizing her pathetic ploys for sympathy fell flat, Jackie says she’s leaving but then she spots an opportunity to ween collective sympathy in the form of confronting Laura and decides to stay. Let’s analyze what just happened there for a moment. First, she claims to be leaving but doesn’t meaning she just found an opportunity to divert the attention back to her. Second, I’m positive her announcing that she was leaving was a (failed) desperate attempt to goat someone–possibly, Brooke because she was the closest to her by proximity–to beg her to stay. Lastly, she’s only confronting Laura because she wants to put on a show in order to grab attention. She had every opportunity to confront her but she just happens to think Draya’s launch party is the most appropriate time? What a selfish beyotch. Malaysia sees Jackie walking over to Laura and chants loudly like a frustrated parent, “Jackie. It. Is. Not. Your. Party. It. Is. Draya’s. Party.” Yeah, their love fest is definitely over. The women all sit-down and give Jackie what she wants, that is, the floor to confront Laura. But Laura has her own agenda, and doesn’t allow Jackie to speak and vocalizes to Jackie and the group the truth as to why she’s gunning for Jackie with a laser red beam. She says that her actions last season were unwarranted and continued, “I sat there and I confided in your ass. I let you befriend me and dog me the fuck out. I don’t take kindly to that, and shit like that I harbor and wait. For you to sit there and play me for a fool was not okay. At the end of the day, I was doing everything you did to me.”Ladies and gentlemen, Laura Govan. Like the lying liar that she is, Jackie interviews that she did nothing wrong and Laura is sick and disturbed. Let’s all take this moment to add ‘projection’ as another one of Jackie’s defense mechanism. She tells Laura to “be a mature mother” to which Laura interviews, “You want to talk about parenting? We will; just not now.” Forget VH-1, can the-powers-that-be cast Laura in a telenovela? This woman is a walking made-for-TV villain. Why isn’t her likeness and voice being utilized by Disney? Winner: Laura for re-navigating 90% of the group’s collective conscious to her side (Bambi seems to be a lost cause).

Jackie: ‘I thought we were besties FOREVER…’

And last but not least, this recap ends with the Three Way Conversation From Hell. Brooke, Draya, and Gloria are at dinner and Big Booty Judy receives a phone call from the Editor of KING Magazine, Shawn. Brooke unprofessionally but completely appropriate for reality TV places the conversation on speakerphone. Shawn gives her the great news: she landed the cover (by default) saying, “The fact that you took more time with…homegirl who bounced out…it actually was a help.” ‘Homegirl who bounced out’ is his reference for Draya who quickly exited stage left once she found out the set for the spread wasn’t a closed set. She is livid that Shawn would remark on that incident and says, “Don’t gossip like a bitch.” Thus, she became a petty, condescending brat discrediting the magazine and basically shitting on Brooke’s good news. Brooke interviews and calls her “Jackie, Jr.”–which is hilarious–and says she won’t allow Draya to take away from her moment. Brooke quickly is annoyed by Draya’s comments and says she didn’t get the cover by default (but honestly she did because Shawn said it). Winner: Brooke for keeping it classy–for now.

Brooke: ‘Go ahead Shawn and tell me the news…’ WHILE ON SPEAKERPHONE

This is what support looks like between two friends.

Source: VH-1

 

@SheWrites007

 

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One Response to “Basketball Wives Season 5 Episode 4 Wrap Up”

  1. Renats says:

    LMAO…..Ev missing the Loubatins and Chads credit card. That is all.

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