By Carla St. Louis
After trolling the Internet all morning, I came across my guilty pleasure, i.e., ratchetness, Ebonic-inflicted white girls, and filthy girl talk. It’s like I walked into a parallel vortex where my high school years never ended.
On Sirius XM’s Shade 45, two Big Booty Judys, call girl Jenna Shea and porn star Kelly Divine gave the dirt to Rude Jude on smashing your favorite rappers on the All Out Show. In the 21:14 audio, the women provided candid details on each sexcapade with rappers like Cam’ron, Juelz Santana, Young Berg, Lil’ Wayne, Fabolous, and even reality star Rob Kardashian.
Be forewarned: Their dirt is quite frankly, the nastiest tea you’ll hear in a hot minute.
Lacking the gravitas of say, Superhead, these two are vulgar, upfront, and downright comical about their motives. Yessir, their honesty humanized them; call it the Jacqueline Hernandez effect.
On Fabolous: “He has the biggest dick. It’s fucking huge. I only fucked with him once. It’s like 10 inches…,” said Jenna Shea.
On Lil’ Wayne: “Lil’ Wayne was the wackest in bed. He has a pencil dick. His dick is skinny and long so it hits your cervix. It’s bad because it was uncomfortable,” said Jenna Shea. She admits to sleeping with him for six months because of his fame, and agrees she was just content with sleeping with a rapper. “If Wayne had paid up I wouldn’t have said nothing. I’ve been in the game for a while; I switched everything up–I don’t fuck anybody for free anymore. It’s not that type of party. It was when I first started and I didn’t know any better,” she said.
On Young Berg: “He’s the best because he went all night,” said Jenna Shea. Describes his dick as “nice.”
On Cam’ron: “[Kimbella, Juelz Santana’s baby mama] should at least do Cam’ron with his bi-sexual ass,” said Kelly Divine. Says he admitted it on the “SDE album, when he rapped ‘I’m that nigga they say, I knew he was bi.”
On Juelz Santana: Confirms his cunnilingus skills and aptitude at anal rimming saying, “It was weird because he focused too much” on eating the inside her anus. “He was having a prison moment,” she said. Admits this occurred right after Kimbella gave birth to the couple’s second child and that he has no intentions of marrying her.
The Best Lines From Kelly Divine:
“If you pay, the lips are sealed–well the top–the bottom lips open.”
‘Why would a guy pay for a lapdance from a stripper but not pay for sex?’
“I only fucked two rappers because they don’t do shit for me.”
“I get dick thrown at me all day long; I gotta dodge it like fucking Mario Carts. I don’t give a fuck.”
“If I wanna fuck you than I’ll fuck you; that’s cool.”
‘I used to have a lot of black guy friends, and I had to pass as Puerto Rican for protection against their black girlfriends.’
“I want Machine Gun Kelly.”
“If you’re a celebrity your not paying for sex, you’re paying for me to keep my mouth shut.”
“Sometimes [guys] offer the most [in terms of my fee] which is dumb.”
‘Honey, I don’t ask you to play against my little brother, so why would you ask me to fuck you for free? I’m a hoe and a porn star…’
The Best Lines From Jenna Shea:
“I’ve slept with 15-20 rappers.”
“Rob Kardashian is bad in bed.”
“I want V-Nasty of White Girl Mob.”
“I never slept with Gucci Mane.”
“I charge $10,000 an hour for a two hour minimum.”
Who said ratchetness is limited to Black folks? It’s a universal epidemic, my friend.