Adam Lambert sings your favorite VICE.com headlines, accompanied by Elijah from IT on the piano. Enjoy classics like “Sperm Whales’ Shit Will Make You Rich,” “Masturbate for Peace,” “I Steam-Cleaned My Vagina,” and more! Yes, these are all real VICE headlines. Read them all here:

I Steam-Cleaned My Vagina: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/xd53y7/i-steam-cleaned-my-vagina-125

Sperm Whale Shit Will Make You Rich: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/5gkd7q/sperm-whale-shit-will-literally-make-you-rich

Masturbate for Peace: Hairy Palms, Not Cluster Bombs: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/dpwwma/masturbate-for-peace-hairy-palms-not-cluster-bombs-821

Why Climbing Mount Everest Gives People Weird Boners: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wjmvyy/why-climbing-mt-everest-gives-people-weird-boners

Nobody Wants to Talk About Bestiality Until Someone Fucks a Horse: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvwj7j/they-fuck-horses-dont-they

Someone Did a Shit So Bad on a British Airways Plane it Had to Turn Around and Come Back Again: https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/gq8zdb/someone-did-a-shit-so-bad-a-british-airways-flight-had-to-turn-around-and-land-475

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